I analyzed too much today and questions ran through my head which concerns what I want in life.

I realized, I never wanted material things or a nice paying job. All I ever wanted was a small house, a job that will sustain the needs and a tranquil life - nothing more.

When i had money in hand, I kept wanting more.

When i had two jobs, I didn't any time for anything else. I just kept working and working until such a time, I became workaholic - All I wanted to do was to work; I didn't want to waste a single minute of my life because time meant money.

Now, I'm back to schooling, trying to become a dentist, a doctor, but i never really wanted myself to be one. Just because I've started this course already, might as well get done with it or shift to another course yet again (goodness for the 3rd time around - i do not think so). I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe, at the outset, I can throw the blame at my parents for being too pushy, for having too much expectations on their kids, on me specifically. But for the most part, the major decision of pushing thru the course and get into the actual grad program was on me. I stopped working, packed my bags and zoomed myself back to Manila to finish schooling - thinking it was for the better. God, what was I thinking? I had a great... no, a good life back when I was Vegas. I was contented with what I had then. I was worry free. I was a free soul. I made the wrong move, I opted for the wrong decision because of wrong reasons. I realized only today that these reasons were selfish reasons. I am ashamed to admit I am a greedy, selfish, self-centered person. I really am.